indianmist

-An Indian perspective on the biggest blockbuster of this year.

I started hurriedly from home skipping breakfast and getting few taunting from my sister for not completing the job she wanted me to do. Yes! I was so desperate to catch my favourite “Bond saga”. The very fact that a Hollywood movie releases one week before its largest subscribers (U.S.A) made the movie more special.

Finally I was at the complex where the latest 007 marvel was about to be screened. Just looking around I had a doubt whether the film is really screened or not. I am from a tier-2 city of India. I could hardly see 50 people in the 180 capacity hall. Whatever Bond is Bond , so I went in and what a start it was .Bond movies has many attributes that makes it running healthy even after 22. Exotic (or made to be) locales, hot women, even hotter Aston Martins, stupendous action sequence and the best part “the man (or machine) with icy eyes and fiery (fire y) heart”-Daniel Craig.

I was seated in between two middle aged men. One of them- Kumar, had given his bike in the service station nearby and its delivery was due two hours after. So kill 2 hours he came to the nearby cinema hall. The other one- Murugan, a villager who actually came to buy some pumps got excited seeing Olga Kurylenko and checked in. That was the most absorbing 110 minutes of Bond experience I had with a whole bunch of yawning audience. I came home thinking and finally reached to a conclusion. Couple of dosas would have been better of then Bond. And to add to that I have found  7 reasons why Bond movies are not the cup of coffee for Indians .Most of them at least! You are bound to have exceptions when you are talking about 1,129,866,154 (July 2007 EST.) And still growing steadily.

001.    The stingy taste of director and generous liberty given by the producers to crash BMWs and ASTON DBS are real bad idea in India. If even anyone buy those here, it will be a sin if it is driven down muddy lanes in rainy seasons, leave alone crashing those GODS.

002.    Daniel Craig though my personal favorite is a very poor actor since he has the same set of emotes for all situations. Hard to find if he is in bed  with Olga(Camille) or Amalric(Greene).

003.    The locale though magnificent lacks lusture. We Indians really need colour . Mani Ratnam and many more Indian directors are victims of this taste of us.

004.    No songs, No dancing- No box office collection. As simple as that.

005.    Bond girls are not really hot here. They got to be a little bit chubbier to be successful in India. See for instance Kareena’s size zero look had her size on collections of “Tashan”.

006.    Bit of family drama – a compulsion, like Bond’s mom getting murdered or Bond’s sister getting rapped, then Bond gearing up for revenge will be perfect.

007.    The length of the movie should certainly be increased – We people are extremely money conscious and we won’t prefer a one hour movie for 150 bucks!

BOND WILL BE BETTER OFF IN HIS OWN BACKYARD. 

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